I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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