Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
please come you make the beer taste better
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My ATM looks so different sober.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
