think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You dont lie about slip and slides
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
