I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
