it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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