i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
