My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
