good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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