he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
