Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
