I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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