Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
