sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
