I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
