If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's always time for handjobs
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
