it was like his penis was on wheels.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
