Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize