idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
