chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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