remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
