I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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