I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
