4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
