If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
