why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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