When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
