i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
