i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
