UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
