she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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