I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
