Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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