Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
