well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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