The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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