Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
