My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
