You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
