Soap is not a condiment
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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