i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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