Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
