The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
