If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
