The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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