Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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