I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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