Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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