I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
