i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
