I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
