I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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