you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
