I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
