I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't want my vagina anymore.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
