I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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