you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
