I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
