I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
