Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
