just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
