I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
