I think i peed on brittanys purse
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
