You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
