that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize