Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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