Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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