Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
