She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
