I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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