Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
