I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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