Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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