I can text with my tongue
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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