I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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