You really coming over, don't trick.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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